(ęDave Keefer 2004)

This all started back with Bilbo,
When he found a magic ring
In the cave of evil Gollum
(An ugly, schizophrenic little thing.)
Bilbo passed it down to Frodo.
Gandalf told him of the need
To destroy this ring of power.
'Tis a good thing Hobbits haven't learned of greed.

Gandalf got molested by a balrog
Walking through the mines one summer's eve.
You can say such things are only legends,
But me and Master Frodo, we believe.

As a shortcut into Mordor,
'Twas decided that we'd go
Through the mines of Moria,
So we spoke "friend" and we hurried through the door.
We were almost to the exit
When there came a horrid sound!
'Twas a creature right behind us
Who looked like a flamin', walkin' compost mound!

Gandalf got molested by a balrog
Walking through the mines one summer's eve.
You can say such things are only legends,
But me and Master Frodo, we believe.

Gandalf turned to face the demon,
And he yelled for us to run.
When the bridge began to crumble,
We decided that to stay would not be fun.
As they plunged into the darkness,
We were thinking to ourselves:
One should never start a rumble
With a guy who tals to orcs and feeds on elves!

Gandalf got molested by a balrog
Walking through the mines one summer's eve.
You can say such things are only legends,
But me and Master Frodo, we believe.

Gandalf got molested by a balrog
Walking through the mines one summer's eve.
You can say such things are only legends,
But me and Master Frodo, we believe.

Comments
Sung to the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Randy Brooks